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For some, pursuing a romantic connection with a friend might feel like the natural thing ever, and in many ways it is. The fact is relationships in and of themselves can be tricky to navigate, and with an existing friendship at stake, dating a friend you've known for years can be the best — and most terrifying — thing ever. At this point inconnecting romantically with a pal might be more common than one would think, considering the pandemic made meeting new people more difficult.
But there are many things to consider in this scenario. First and foremost, the fact that your feelings may not be reciprocated, which could result in you possibly losing a close confidant. Lots Being friends with someone before dating think about here. Ahead, you'll hear from therapists who dish on the challenges and triumphs that can come with dating a friend, as well as one woman who tried it, herself spoiler: It didn't work out in the long run. The gurus also give their pro advice on how to decide whether to pursue a romance and the best ways to go about it.
If you've been thinking about sharing your "more-than-friends" feelings with someone you care about, read on to determine whether it's worth the risk. Before blurting out "I love you" to one of your buds, it's important to think everything through. She continues, "If you do decide to go ahead and pursue romance with a friend, it's very important to not get too attached to a positive outcome.
You may get lucky and find out that your friend reciprocates your romantic feelings; but it's just as likely that he or she isn't interested in anything beyond friendship. Of course, it's helpful if you have an inclination whether your friend has feelings for you, too. But Dr. Sue Varmaa board-certified psychiatrist and couples and sex therapist on faculty at NYU Langone doctorsuevarma on social mediawarns that some s are up for interpretation.
However, she advises against the Hollywood gesture. Remember that spilling your feelings may catch your crush off guard, so be careful to keep it light if you do. Further, Being friends with someone before dating says, they deserve some space to think things over. And if they have no interest in pursuing romance, be gracious and respectful of their 'no,' and don't hold it against them. They say to hope for the best and prepare for the worst, and should your feelings go unreturned, it may be helpful to have a little speech planned to help preserve your current friendship. There are challenges in any relationship, but friends-first couples may experience some additional hurdles.
It turned out that their feelings were mutual, and they went on to date for five years. But eventually and despite their close friendshipshe realized that the key ingredient that bridges the gap between platonic and romantic affection — attraction — was missing.
But I never felt I desired him the way he did me. I wanted to be in love Being friends with someone before dating him, but eventually came to terms with that the fact that I wasn't and could never be. I realized that it wasn't fair to him or me, so I ended things. While breakups are never easya split with someone who started as a friend can feel like a double loss, especially if they're more emotionally invested.
For the record, it is possible to be friends with an ex. But if you were buds to begin with, it may never be the same, or you may even lose that companionship entirely. Now, she's dating someone new. But the other part of me would never wants to lose the most valuable friendship I've ever had. Onto the positives: If your pal-turned-partner works out for the long-haul, you could enjoy a relationship that's long-lasting and fulfilling.
After all, don't happy couples say their ificant others are also their best friends? Chuba points out. This is a really strong foundation for a romantic relationship. At the same time, be prepared to learn new things about each other and see each other in a completely new light. You already know each other as friends; now it's time to get to know each other as lovers.
This article was originally published on 7. Relationship experts break down the pros and cons. By Karen Tietjen. Updated: 5. Search Close. See All Trends Style Deers. See All Home Entertaining Travel.Being friends with someone before dating
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Be friends, before lovers