Added: Brigitte Frates - Date: 26.11.2021 08:08 - Views: 36815 - Clicks: 4666
If life ran like a storybook, the person we fall in love would not be the person who broke us. Sadly, we humans tend to be a bit more human than that. We fall in love, we commit, we get hurt — over and over — and we stay. People need people, but sometimes the cost is a heavy one.
Love is addictive.
So is the hope of love. All relationships can be likened to an addiction, but sometimes the power of this can be self-destructive. When relationships become loveless, hostile, stingy or dangerous, you would think they would be easy to leave, but they can be the hardest ones to walk away from.
Sometimes the s are clear — emotional and physical abuse, constant criticism, lying, cheating, emotional starvation. Perhaps it did once but that ended long ago. The s might lie in the loneliness, a gentle but constant heartache, a lack of security, connection or intimacy or the distance between you both. Whatever it involves, there are important needs that stay hungry, for one of both people in the relationship.
It is maintained, not through love and connection, but through habit. Sometimes there are circumstances that make leaving difficult. Some of the s that you might be addicted to the relationship are:. Leaving any relationship is difficult. The shift from powerless to empowered is a gentle one, but lies in the way you experience the relationship. It often takes as much resourcefulness, energy and strength to stay in a bad relationship as it does to leave. With a shift in mindset, experience and expectation, the resources you use to stay and to blind out the seething hopelessness of it all can be used to propel you forward.
To do this, fully experience the relationship as it is, without needing to change it or control it. This might be scary, particularly if the environment you are Getting out of a bad relationship is hostile or lonely, but the only way to be okay with leaving what you have, is to fully experience how broken it is. No relationship is perfect. Keep a record of how you feel in the relationship, the good and bad.
Photos and journalling will capture the intimate, day to day detail of you in this relationship. Set a time period — weeks or months — and at the end take a look over your photos or your writing. Can you see patterns?
What do you notice about the things that hurt you and the things that feel good? The frequency? The intensity? What do you see in the photos? Can you see the life in you? Or has it been drained away. Is this the person you want to be? Or is it a faded, sadder version? This can help to see your experience in the relationship for what it is — stripped of the filters and the softening that comes with time. The connection between the mind and the body is a powerful one. If you shut down the messages that are coming from your mind, your body will take over.
There will be s in the way you hold yourself, the sensations in your body heaviness, heartache, tension and the way it works. Has Getting out of a bad relationship body slowed down? Is there physical pain? Does it ache? Does it feel heavy? If your body could speak, what would it want you to know?
Notice what you do to shift away from your reality. Are there unhealthy behaviours you do to stop from feeling bad? Or maybe there are healthy beahviours that you do in unhealthy ways? Try staying with the discomfort rather than avoiding it. Contained in the pain is the wisdom, courage and strength you need to find the happier version of yourself and your life.
Let it be six weeks, six months — whatever feels right for you. The answer will be in front of you. The way we think about selfishness is broken. Selfishness is about recognising what you need and doing what you can to meet those needs. Sometimes there will be fallout, but there will also be fallout by ignoring what you need and letting the noise shout you down. You matter. What you need matters. It always has. Sometimes that will mean putting yourself first on your list. This is even more important if it is the only list that has Getting out of a bad relationship anywhere near the top. Is there anything you can do to put the relationship back on track?
Of course, just because your partner names things he or she would like you to do differently, it for you to decide whether this is a direction you want to move in. You can stop asking me where I go at night. Just come home when you feel like it hey. Do you want me to keep dinner for you? This in no way means either of you are to blame or that either of you deserve to be treated the way you are.
What it means is that over time you would have fallen into a way of being together that makes the dysfunction easier and more tolerable — a healthy adjustment to an unhealthy situation. In healthy relationships, this is balanced or the roles shift around. In unhealthy relationships, these roles become polarised.
The more someone retreats, the more the other reaches, and this is where the roles become fixed. Explore your roles. Try shifting out of your role. This will shift the dynamic and either force change or make the dysfunction all the more glaring — and easier to walk away from. The fantasy of what could be will keep you stuck. Every time.
It could be better — so much better — but just not with this person. How do you know? The fantasy stands between you and reality Getting out of a bad relationship throws flowers at your feet so you never look up and see things as they are.
The more you fantasise about what could be, the more the reality is embellished and changed into something reasonable. The fantasy will persuade you to hold on for a little longer, and always at the cost of moving forward. Lose the fantasy that things will be different. If you could have lived the fantasy with this relationship, you would have done that by now.
Let your fantasy instead be one of all the losers who have ever crossed your path sprawled on the couch, wearing saggy Star Wars underwear as they gaze at your photo, listen to Adele and regret like mad ever losing you, while you eat tacos, listen to Beyonce and not miss them at all. There you go. Accept your reality as it is — your relationship, your partner and what it means for you.
When you accept the truth, you live the truth.
This will expand your courage, strength and capacity to decide whether this relationship is the best option for you — or not. You will have a clarity that will propel you forward, whatever that might mean for you. You have to fight for the things you love and the things you believe in, but one of those things has to be you. What would you say to someone you love who was feeling the pain or the deadness that you are feeling?
Inside you is more courage and strength than you will ever need. You are a queen, a king, a fighter, a warrior, you are powerful and beautiful and everything good in the world — and you deserve to be happy. But first, you might have to fight for it. Fight for you the way you would fight for anyone you love — fiercely, boldly, bravely. Be honest. What do you want from this relationship? Have you ever had it? How different is what you want from what you have?
And how long has it Getting out of a bad relationship this way? If you are loved, it feels like love. Even in the midst of a storm, a loving relationship still feels loving. Despite the stress, the exhaustion, the things you do or say — a loving relationship has an undercurrent of safety, security and respect, even when times are tough. Whatever you choose to do, do it from a place of strength, not from a place of helplessness. If you stay, let it be because you have made the decision that this is the Getting out of a bad relationship option for you at this moment in time, not because somebody has claimed ownership of your life.
Keep your power and your independence of mind, whatever is going on around you. You might decide to put off making a decision, to give it some time. Make no mistake, this is making a decision — to stay. Own your decision and experience fully what that decision means for you.
In it or out of it. Claiming indecision might feel okay in the short term, but in the long term it will just keep you stuck, without the energy you need to move closer to what will be healthier for you. Fight hard to keep your relationship intact, but when there is no fight left, the truth will be staring you down like a hunted thing. All relationships will go through make it or break it times, but healthy relationships recover. They grow closer and become stronger and more resilient.Getting out of a bad relationship
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Dealing With Difficult People