Added: Rahsaan Quarterman - Date: 15.07.2021 05:33 - Views: 33488 - Clicks: 531
On the face of it, there do not appear to be many parallels between being a sex blogger and a secret service agent. However, there is one key similarity: maintaining anonymity at all times and thus leading a double life. For Girl On The Netremaining anonymous is a constant source of consternation, angst and exhaustion.
The 24 hour task of maintaining anonymity has had a knock-on effect on GOTN's mental health. After her panic attacks became daily occurrences and her anxiety became unmanageable, the stress eventually culminated in a breakdown. But how did the year-old writer fall into sex blogging in the first place?
While other demure students were leaving university to be herded into run-of-the-mill, distinctly un-sensual KPMG grad schemes, she decided to try her hand at online erotica. At the time, sex-blogging was in its infancy. We did a couple of test posts but never put them online because he was a little bit nervous.
However after the relationship ended, she plucked up the courage to start posting the blogs online, only hampered by the condition of keeping him and his sexual preferences anonymous. Since then, anonymity has been an issue GOTN has faced on a daily basis.
After all, the fear of being exposed is a real one: household name sex blogger Belle De Jour was forced to reveal her true Girls on net back in after a tabloid discovered her real name and address. This poses the question of why she decided to be anonymous in the first place. Her answer is unsurprising. But another key reason GOTN chose to remain anonymous was the fact she had a day job which was very strict with their social media policy.
Since then the task of maintaining anonymity has remained a daily grind. In turn she is forced to ensure she keeps everything separate, always using a different phone and laptop for GOTN and her personal affairs. But her precautions have not always been full proof. She has had a couple of people mine the data from her blog photos to decipher the geographical location it was taken.
Fortunately she has always been in hotels rather than at home at the Girls on net of the photos being taken. On a more personal level, she says there is the issue of keeping the blog and her job a secret from friends and relatives and perpetually taking measures to ensure she has not revealed the identity of her boyfriend or past sexual Girls on net. As such, she says running the blog can feel like living a literal double life. It was while juggling her job and the blog that things finally came to a head and culminated in a mental breakdown.
Unable to talk about what she did outside of work because it was running the blog, she found herself isolated. She wound up taking a couple of weeks off sick and eventually handing in her notice. I juggled lots of stuff, always felt like I was about to die, and had to keep running to the bathroom to go Girls on net vomit when I got too stressed. But that was normal - that's what I thought. However when it got to the point not a day went by without a panic attack, she knew things had gone too far. I started struggling to get out of bed and finding I had to dare myself to do the Girls on net things.
Then, one day, I went to a doctor. She was put on anti-depressants but not warned about their sexual side effects. While she says it is impossible to ever truly know what caused her breakdown and it was a range of complex interlocking factors, she says the constant pressure to maintain anonymity certainly has not helped. As for her anxiety now, while it is by no means cured and continues to fluctuate, she is better than she was.
Nevertheless the fears around anonymity linger on. She might agree to meet a PR on a good day but have a change of heart when the day arrives.
Twitter gets too much or the comments get too much and I have to switch off for a day or two and try and relax. Another massive burden is keeping the blog a secret from people close to her. While her dad knows her vocation, he does not know her blog name. Running the Girls on net has not just given her mum something to be proud about, it has also given herself a tremendous sense of satisfaction. As you would imagine GOTN is wary of much mainstream sex advice. But one particular article stands out for her. That is not a comedy line that is rape.
She is also wary of the natural, unthinking parallels which society often draws between sex and love and the assumption that they are one of the same. It is her forthright unapologetic explanation of complex thorny issues such as this which makes GOTN so enduringly popular. She provides an honest space for to people to attempt to better understand their love life, sexual desires, mental health and everything in between. thought-provoking conversations, follow other Independent readers and see their Girls on net.
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