How do i tell if

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If you're suspicious that someone isn't telling the truthcan you look the person in the eyes and tell that they're lying? Well, let's try. Here are what might be three facts about lying. Can you tell which one if any is a lie? According to Pamela Meyer, author of the book Liespotting and presenter of a TED Talk with more than 16 million views, the answer is: They're all true. So if we're being lied to that often, how can we do a better job of catching the prevaricators we interact with?

There are behaviors and tells that should make you wonder whether the person you're dealing with is being truthful.

How do i tell if

Here are 10 things to look for, culled from the advice of Meyer and other experts, and presented in increasing order of reliability. We tend to think that liars are the ones who can't keep their stories straight, but we'll list this so-called tell first, and thus least reliable, because there are other explanations for changing stories.

It's simply too easy, and deceptive, to rely on inconsistency as a proxy for deceit. In fact, most truthful people, when they're asked to retell a story several times, will remember additional details each time--which means the stories they tell will change.

How do i tell if

One theory for this is that when you think you remember a past event, you're actually How do i tell if the last time you remembered it. There are some tells that can suggest lack of veracity: blushing, blinking, flared nostrils, fake smiles. Notice them, remember them, pay attention.

However, don't read too much into them. Because while they may be indications, there is simply too much room for false positives to go by expressions alone. It's really difficult even for trained, experienced interrogators to pick out a liar on the basis of facial expressions. Maybe they're ensuring they heard you correctly. Or maybe they're stalling for time, or else trying to unpack what you've asked, and figure out how much you know. If they're doing this, note it, and weigh it with some of the others on the list. Yes, there are times when these words are appropriate, but they're the exception to the rule.

People who insist on peppering their speech with them might be trying to bolster their argument or distract you. They don't want to talk, or they want to move the conversation along quickly to another subject. Is that because you're that boring a conversationalist--or perhaps they're eager to move out of the zone of deception into a safer space?

Again, this isn't a foolproof tell, but it's another piece of evidence to consider as you weigh the likelihood that you're being told something untruthful. People who are being honest sometimes like to remind you that people in general aren't always honest. By using phrases like, "In all candor" or "If I'm being completely truthful" or "If I had to swear How do i tell if a stack of Bibles Be on the lookout for these. Think of it like that old saw "If you have to ask, you can't afford it.

As my colleague Justin Bariso points outkey tells could be when people "say no and look in a different direction," "say no and close their eyes," "say no after hesitating," "say noooooooo, stretched over a long period of time," or "say no in a singsong manner. Trick: Force them to say the word no to an oblique or open-ended question.

How do i tell if

Do you have any insight into that? This seems like No. It's simply harder to keep details straight if you're asking them to relate a madeup story in a different order than they learned it. You're looking here for incongruity: terrible news--but a joking attitude.

Supposedly good news--but overly tempered enthusiasm. It's tricky in some cases--but Meyer uses the gruesome video examples of two mothers, one whose daughter was murdered, and the other who murdered her children, to show how this works. The first woman's emotion is raw, angry, undiluted. The second woman, who is trying to hide a terrible secret, can't pull it off--she doesn't actually know how a victim of such a gruesome crime would act because it's not imaginable.

How do i tell if

Consider this one a bonus--a tell that lets you know when someone holds How do i tell if in contempt but attempts to continue the conversation anyway. Contempt doesn't mean necessarily that someone is lying, but it does mean that you should consider the conversation over. Because contempt is a combination of anger and moral superiority, it's almost impossible to develop rapport with someone who feels that way.

Meyer says there is a reliable tell:. It's marked by one lip corner pulled up and in. It's the only asymmetrical expression. And in the presence of contempt, whether or not deception follows -- and it doesn't always follow -- look the other way, go the other direction, reconsider the deal, say, "No, thank you.

I'm not coming up for just one more nightcap. Thank you. Remember, these are all potential pieces of evidence. No one of them indicates for certain that somebody is lying, and it's also possible to get false positives. As Meyer says, "Look, listen, probe, ask some hard questions, get out of that very comfortable mode of knowing, walk into curiosity mode, ask more questions, have a little dignity, [and] treat the person you're talking to with rapport.

Top Stories. Top Videos. Getty Images. The average person hears between 10 and lies per day.

How do i tell if

Strangers lie to each other three times within the first 10 minutes of meeting, on average. College students lie to their mothers in one-fifth of all interactions. Combine all that, and you'll have a pretty good idea whether you're being told the truth.

How do i tell if

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How do i tell if

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