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However, when I am physically intimate with a man I find it difficult, if not impossible, to maintain an erection. When people are grappling with such questions, what they are really comparing is not so much the qualitatively different sexual experiences, but rather who they experience themselves to be in the context of their relationships with people of different genders.
But you do not have to make a choice — not now and not ever. You accept that you are bisexualso you can fairly comfortably decide to have relationships with people of either or both genders.
And you will discover that in a longer-term monogamous relationship if you want that at any point it is the particular person and how he or she makes you feel when you are together that is important — not their gender. There can be reasons for feeling safer with one gender v another, so exploring your childhood feelings about maternal v paternal connections may give you some helpful information limited, though, since fathers and mothers do not necessarily provide traditional gender-based care.
You seem to be concerned about your future, and consider monogamy a goal, with one person of one gender. But there are people out there who can manage long-term triangular relationships — in fact, some actively seek tri.
See if you are one of them. Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders. If you would like advice from Pamela on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns to private.
Each week, Pamela chooses one problem to answer, which will be published online and in print. She regrets that she cannot enter into personal correspondence.
Submissions are subject to our terms and conditions: see gu. Comments on this piece are premoderated to ensure discussion remains on topics raised by the writer. Please be aware there may be a short delay in comments appearing on the site. Sexual healing Men. Pamela Stephenson Connolly.
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