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You mentioned in your first sentence that you're afraid there be something chemiy wrong with you. Well, possibly but not what you think. Extreme stress and depression can alter our chemical states. It can have the effect of making one indecisive, emotionally numb, and psychologiy fragile.
Please DO your doctor for some help. It's not shameful or a of mental illness to need some help for a bit. There are safe, proven available to help you through this and without that support, you could dive deeper into depression, suicidal thoughts, and even have real physical illnesses. Please, go get some help so you can cope and think. I've done it, once, during a very bad time in my life. It helped me feel much better, until I could get a grip on things and didn't need it anymore.
Second, please consider what's least traumatic and stressful for your. As he gets older, he'll continue to have accidents. The more your husband beats him, the more he'll have. Then you risk also broken bones Miami IN housewives personals a painful death. You MUST find him another home try rescue shelters, friends, neighbors, family.
As a last resort, consider holding him lovingly while the vet puts him to sleep. That's a far better and more humane passing, in the arms of one who loves him, than at the hands of his abuser. It doesn't hurt at all.
I've had to do this twice and both times, my dear beloved pet just calmly fell asleep and it was done. The greatest pain was on ME but I knew my dear one was free of pain. I won't tell you to leave your husband, although that's a sane response you've heard that so much already and you know it's the right thing to do.
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