Overcoming relationship insecurity

Added: Jael Shumway - Date: 06.07.2021 16:18 - Views: 35423 - Clicks: 9163

After nearly a year of being single and after going through my fifth breakup, I found myself involved with someone new. It was the typical guy-meets-girl story you read about all over the Internet. We met for dinner and drinks and there was an immediate attraction. We laughed and talked and overall had a great night. This time I felt I was more prepared. I had studied relationships. I had learned about communicating. I was sure I was going to get my needs met and everything would be perfect. I thought I was changed and that meant everything would be different this time.

I made sure Overcoming relationship insecurity continually tell him what I wanted and needed in a relationship. Little by little, I was pushing my agenda on him. Naturally, he started to back away. I only knew I was feeling out of control and was perpetually pissed at him for being a jerk. Slowly, we stopped spending all weekend together.

His texts were more sporadic. Then, one Friday went by with not a word. Then a Saturday and then Sunday went by. It had been three whole days with no text, no call, no plans, no nothing. Who did this guy think I was? What was I Overcoming relationship insecurity do?

Overcoming relationship insecurity

Certainly this behavior was not acceptable! I felt awful. I realized that yet again I was acting out of fearand if I wanted to change my patterns, I had to change myself. I also realized that I was the only one who could change my world, so I did. I thought long and hard about what I wanted and read some more. I realized that my style of communication was still failing, and that if I wanted things to change with him, they had to change with me.

Overcoming relationship insecurity after about two weeks I called him and apologized for the way I ended things. I knew that in addition to apologizing I had to change my patterns of interacting with him.

Overcoming relationship insecurity

This time, instead of making everything about me and my wants and needs and fears, I began to take an interest in him and his life. I completely put myself aside for the moment because I knew that if I wanted a different result, I had to try a different path. First off, I went slowly. I let him contact me at his own pace. I had to learn to calm myselfwhich is something I thought I had already done, but apparently I had more work to do. Have some patience which is hard for many of usand try and sit back and enjoy every moment of the conversations or time together you do have. Stop living in the past or the future.

Be present and Overcoming relationship insecurity slowly. Secondly, I listened. I listened to what was going on in his life and asked questions. I took an interest in the struggles he was having and was sincerely concerned and understanding. If you want to know someone and want Overcoming relationship insecurity in your life, listen to them. People are generally egoistic, and showing your potential partner that you want to know about them, what moves them, what motivates them, and what type of person they are will go a long way.

Human beings are amazing creatures, and every single one of us has different fears, needs, and desires. The more time you invest in understanding your potential or current partner, the more you will get in return. Thirdly, I learned how to stop assuming and start asking.

Never assume how someone feels. Never assume what they want or what they need. I was left confused and irritated. And of course it had nothing to do with me. Why is that? I asked because I truly wanted to understand.

It took a lot of courage to ask, as I normally just make Overcoming relationship insecurity answers in my head and put up walls, so I was really proud of myself for doing it. Most of us tend to jump to conclusions about how others feel because we view the world through our tinted lenses. This is fairly normal, but it can lead to confusion, misunderstandings, and anger if you do it all the time.

Try to step outside yourself and see how others may perceive you or perceive the world. When you ask someone a question, come from a place of love and wanting to understand, not from a place of blame or frustration. We all choose what we believe and how we Overcoming relationship insecurity the things other people do, and those beliefs and interpretations create our feelings. Try to remember Overcoming relationship insecurity before you speak. Love and intimacy are scary.

There are days when I still struggle with whether he cares, and I suddenly go quiet and retreat into my world. Communicating from love means letting down your walls, even if just a little, and accepting the possibility of being hurt. One day I was talking to him about my blog and how it means a lot to me when people are thankful for what I write or appreciative of my stories.

I became quiet. My plan was to say nothing. My old patterns were creeping back in. However, this time I realized that if I want to keep moving forward and keep changing, I had to share my feelings instead of running inside myself. It can feel monumentally scary and overwhelming to share even little fears, but if you do it in a way that shows your vulnerability and if you are with someone who has any capacity to love, then you will be amazed at the you get. By doing all those things I mentioned above, I changed my relationship. When I gave to him he gave back.

The more I put out the more I got in return. I stopped making the entire relationship about me. Remember that in the end you have no control over anyone but yourself. If you want or need something, stop looking to the other person to give it to you and start looking to yourself. You can change your life and your relationship patterns. It may not happen overnight and it may not be as fast as you want, but have some faith and keep moving forward.

Overcoming relationship insecurity

Love will happen. Carrie L. Burns is a blogger on a mission of self-discovery. As a sexual abuse survivor that struggled for years with depression anxiety, low self-esteem, lack of self-love, and relationship issues, she found her purpose through writing and sharing her story with others. Check out her other writing at www. This site is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal, or other professional advice. The content on Tiny Buddha is deed to support, not Overcoming relationship insecurity, medical or psychiatric treatment.

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Overcoming relationship insecurity

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