Seek a women i can be passionate with in bed

Added: Kylene Gallo - Date: 31.01.2022 22:25 - Views: 35091 - Clicks: 9317

Sex is purely a Seek a women i can be passionate with in bed act, whereas love, as expressed in a hug, brings true intimacy. I pore over these articles, never quite trusting their advice, but still discussing them with my girlfriends ad infinitum. But is sex really about love, about connecting with your partner in some mysterious, profound way? I think the 20th century made the whole story upand we bought it because it suited us.

We went from sex-shame to sex-worship in a few heady years. And just being naked with someone is a real act of trust. I once risked asking my partner whether he thought sex could ever be spiritual. Sex is about lust, about desire, about a particular physical experience that is intensely pleasurable. Sex has never been about the spirit, not for a day! One of the most alarming things about sex, I find, is the role of fantasy within it.

Regardless of whether it is true, we are still taught that sex is about love. There seems to be a huge conflict here. In the early 80s, as part of my training as a probation officer, I learned how to be a sex therapist in a week. At that time, I thought it was all quite amusing.

I was in my 20s, and quite happy to share erotic stories with my then husband, about innocent virgins and their seduction. We were lovers, first, at Is he remembering how smooth and silky and firm my flesh was then, as he feels my middle-aged spread? Or is he just away with the fairies?

Seek a women i can be passionate with in bed

I once asked him what it felt like as a man to have sex — and he told me he felt like a bicycle tyre being blown up. Oddly, I found this hugely reassuring. It could have been so much worse. And what if he could see what was in my head? What if he knew I was thinking of a scene from a Japanese pornographic movie I saw yonks ago? I complain that sex is not communicative except in the most mundane ways.

Seek a women i can be passionate with in bed

But what if it really was? What if, at the end of the sex act, we swapped printouts of what we were honestly thinking about, whether that consisted of shopping lists or secret objects of lust? Would we feel closer, more loved by our partners? Or would we feel undermined, betrayed, jealous, appalled? Sex is not about souls. We have sexual desire when we want to have sexnot when we love someone. The older I get, the more sceptical I get. Sex is a neutral and colourless thing, and a higher or lower sex drive is caused by hormones that are hard to control. For hundreds of years, societies and religions have tried to harness this drive.

But for the past 60 years, we in the west have been quite sure we know best: every other age and culture has been wrong. We are right. Sex is the most profound form of human love, the deepest expression.

Seek a women i can be passionate with in bed

What a load of nonsense. How were we ever taken in? Because we wanted permission to have a good time. By conflating sex and love, we have young people wanting plastic surgery to change their bodies. We have the technology. They should be having surgery, too. I am such a romantic. I believe in love from the bottom of my heart. Where has that kind of love gone to?

Will we ever get back there again? Nowadays, for people who have been married for a long time, sex is the minefield that separates them. Everyone feels they ought to be having it, ought to be enjoying it, that it ought to be an expression of their love. They are too tired for groundbreaking sex, but they hunger for affection.

Human beings crave to hold and be held, but we stay on our side of the bed Seek a women i can be passionate with in bed case a sexual performance is demanded. How did we get here? Where did we go wrong? Why are so many relationships just so fragile? Love and erotic love are two very different emotions — I would argue they are almost contrary.

Love proper is to do with the other person: it is about the care, respect and understanding of that human other. Love like this grows, it cannot help it. The more of yourself you invest in another person, the more you receive. You become as one: their pain is your pain, their joy, yours too.

The French are right: you cannot desire what you already have. In fact, another article I recently devoured was written by a French sex therapist. It was about how to have a fulfilling sex life in your 60s. I wanted to disparage it, as I do all the others, but she was absolutely right: keep yourself in trim, buy sex toys, watch pornography, have an affair if you dare, keep yourself aloof from your husband, sleep in a separate bed, use a separate bathroom.

If you want a good marriage, forget the hysteria about sex. Olivia Fane. Sat 28 Jan . Topics Family Sex Relationships features. Reuse this content.

Seek a women i can be passionate with in bed

email: [email protected] - phone:(795) 720-9361 x 5613

Why sex and love don’t belong in the same bed